Smokeless Journals

Day 16: Hanging on in quite desperation...

2006-07-03T06:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the hardest day for me, as far as wanting to smoke. I do not know why i just had consitent cravings for most of the day.
In the morning i wanted a cigarette after eating breakfast.
In the afternoon i wanted a cigarette after coming out of the store
In the evening i wanted a cigarette during the break of a tv show

I think i was agitated that i had quit too early....
I had left an emergency pack of cigarettes in the glove box of my car- in case i crumbled into a nervous wreck after the first few hours of quitting. However, on Sunday i discovered that in fact i had left two packs of cigarettes for emergencies. Obvoiusly, in my long build-up to quitting i had put my plan into motion twice. This kind of pissed me off because i could have quit later, and because i wasted the money on the second pack of cigarettes.

Despite my deseration on Sunday - i managed not to lose my temper or be short with any-one. I was fighting between crave and accomplishment. It was only this morning that i could admit success.

I am starting to cough a little - although i am not sure about the "coughing up crap" myth. Perhaps i am just getting sick.

Day 10: Anti-Gravity

2006-06-28T06:19:00.000-07:00

When i decided to quit i was aware that weight-gain was a potential side-affect. Having gained 40 pounds since being married, and just nuging under the 200 pound mark at 195 pounds - i thought that i should try to counteract this. My solution.......

No-HFCS Diet
I have cut out the consumption of High Fructose Corn Syrup[HFCS] from my diet in order to counter the potential weight gain. HFCS is found in products such as pop and breakfast bars. This is a genetically modified sweetner introduced in the seventies as a cheap alternative to sugar, and as an alternative use for corn. The trouble is that the body does not absorb HFCS ni the same way as regular sugar - and tests suggetc it is damaging for your liver [says the drunk].
Still, it seems an easy step to take to try and reduce my weight without having to count calaroies, cut carbs or just sucking on steak.

Weight Yesterday: 189 pounds

Block Run Time: 3 mins 33 secs

Stairs Climbed: 16 flights

Day Nine

2006-06-27T06:07:00.000-07:00

Okay...Thought i failed huh!
Well its not true, i have just replaced my cigarette craving with a sugar and alcohol addiction.
I have eaten three large bags of candy, and drunk twenty bottles of beer in the last five days - i need to quit these replacements.

Marathon Man
In addition, i have passed my personal deadline to begin running. I started last night, and managed to wheeze my ass around the block in a turtle-whooping 3 minutes and 34 seconds. I nearly did not make it, there was an incline on the way back which nearly finished me off. It took me about an hour to recover - any one would think i had just run a marathon. My legs hurt!

Stair Master
Today - i plan to cease my drunken-sugar state. The building i work in is five storeys high, and i am on the ground floor. Each time i used to go for a cigarette i am going to climb the stairs. I had a test run yesterday afternoon - and survived.

Aggression
I have definately become more aggressive as the week has worn off, and to my benefit. I simple refuse to take any shit from anyone, and have no tolerance for anything. Two days ago a telemarketer called my house trying to sell me insurance for my credit card. "We would like to offer you the benefits of our great service, if you are ever out of work for any reason this insurance will allow you to defer payment for up to six months, " the poor schmuck croons. I told him that the credit card company should be offering be this for free - that would be great service. Schmuck quickly said his closing spiel and hung up the phone. I was particularly pissed for a number of reasons:

I had just paid off the credit card - and did not receive this offer when i had a huge f'kin balance on the card [too risky you see]
Why don't credit cards offer this service for free -some poor bastard is paying interest in these debts working his butt off to keep up with the balances. One day - he gets fired or injured at work, he can't pay anyway, and will most likely file bankruptcy. If the credit card companies waited til he sorted himslf out - they would be more likely to recoup there loses.

The next day, Target Red Card [watch these sneaky asses], sent me my second ever bill. I had just applied for the card in May. They had given me a late charge, because i had paid my bill three days late [$29.00]. Well, here's the issue - i did not receive the card or the bill for four weeks [i had to cancel the card and have it resent to my house]. The bill came in and i paid it - three days too late apparently [although i paid it when i received it]. I called them up, and got some poor cusotmer service lady. I explained the situation. She says she will cut the charge in half as a one time courtesy. I told her to forget about it, i'll just pay the debt off and cut up the card. As i was about to hang up the phone she upped her offer to waiving the whole charge [as a one time favor]. I told her thank you and ended the call.

I think that prior to quitting smoking, i would have told the telemarketer that i was okay thank you i am not nterested. But instead i told him exactly what i thought about his offer. Also, with the Target lady i probably would have settled for half of the charge prior to quitting.

Day Three

2006-06-20T11:09:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a much better day for me - despite it being my first day back at work.

The Creme Saver method is working during work hours - but beer is about the best tonic out of work. I may become an alcoholic, but i will give up smoking.

My smell is returning.......
Unfortunately, my first noticable odor was that of stale urine from the communal bathroom. I asked a collegue if it had always smelled like that - and he confirmed, adding that it was better in the afternoon after the cleaning lady had been. I returned later, and noted a smell of stale urine with the faint odor of bleach [slightly better].

Sleeping issues...
I seem to have developed a sleeping problem, in that i wake up all refreshed. I no longer need a cup of coffee and a cigarette to wake me up.

Day Two

2006-06-19T06:08:00.000-07:00

I survived Day Two as a non-smoker. I am finding that alcohol moderates my temper - although not too much.
Here is a list of the people i wanted to strangle yesterday:-

The waiter, who took 30 minutes to bring me my check
My kids, who decided to play up in the hairdressers
The dog, who doesn't shut up
The moron doing twenty in a thirty-five zone
The moron doing thirty in a forty zone
The moron who cut me up on the express way
The moron who put on their brakes for no reason
The moron who did not use a turn signal
The moron on the cell phone paying no attention

I should consider taking the train..

Today i will be using the Creme Savers Method of quitting.

Riding the Craves...

2006-06-18T05:43:00.000-07:00

First 24 Hours as a non-smoker, and i am doing better than i thought - and worse.

I managed to survive dinner last night without having a cigarette afterwards. However, i was craving so badly while the waiter took his time getting the check. By the time i made it to the car i was sweating. I tried chewing some gum again, but this time the menthol flavor and constant mastication, really irritated me - so that went out of the window.

I felt in a haze on the ride home - trying not to think about smoking - but all the time thinking about reaching into my pocket and lighting up. For a moment it felt like i had a pack - but no! Then i thought perhaps i could use some kind of adversive imagery to stop my cravings. I imagined the shock of drinking from a half-empty beer bottle that had been used as an ashtray. That seemed to stop the craving.

This morning i have had very little cravings - which is a surprise since smoking is usually the seconds thing i do in the morning. I woke breathing just a little bit better, and my nose felt a little clearer. I felt like i had had a good night's sleep, and was energized enough to take the dog for a walk, rather than simple just taking him out.

0 Cigarettes Left .....

2006-06-17T14:28:00.000-07:00

Ok. It has been five hours since my last cigarette. I smoked my last one on the Fourteenth Tee of the local golf course. The unfortunate thing is that it was 100 degrees F. out there and i seem to have turned a little red. I, also, have a stinging headache from being out in the sun to long.

I didn't want a cigarette until i ate a bagel, and a mars bar.I chewed some gum to avert the cravings. That worked until my jaw started aching, and now i just want a cigarette. I hate gum - i need something else maybe i could just hold a cigarette in my mouth, and not light it.

Note to self: blogging about quitting smoking does not help you keep your mind off it.
-~ -~ -~ -~ -~ -~ -~ -~ -~ -~
I think keeping busy is going to be the only thing to get me through this.

11 Cigarettes Left...

2006-06-16T13:21:00.000-07:00

All this blogging made me want a cigarette, i should really find a new way to unwind. I apologize in advance for any foul language that may appear in my future rants.

Ten Reasons for Quitting:

1. To Coach Soccer: I foolishly signed up to coach my son's soccer team in August. Unfortunately, i cannot run to the bathroom without getting out of breath. I did not want to embaress the boy my wheezing around the field for ten minutes before keeling over and grabbing my chest

2. To Smell: That's right - to smell, or more precisely to be able to smell again. I realized over the past few year i can barely smell a damn thing. Not a bad thing if you have to clean up dog poo, or vomit.

3. To be more miserly: Cigarette prices keep rising, because the "general public" keep supporting tax hikes [damn non-smokers]. I am getting tired of travelling further and further afield to find affordable smokes - soon i'll be stealing tobacco plants from West Virginia.

4. To eat less spicy food: Along with smell, i am sure that my taste bids are pretty fried. I have to eat hotter and hotter foods to be able to taste the flavor. If i keep going i'll be on a jalapeno-only diet.

5. To help the dog kick the habit: I have trained my dog to pick up my cigarette butts. However, i worry about his health - and so i'm cutting him off.

6. To be able to look down my nose at smokers: You know who you are, walking past us smokers with that look of disgust and dissappointment, and then just when you think you have a far enough lead - letting off that pathetic sniffle that envokes the punch-in-the-face reflex.

7. So i don't end up looking like a prune at 40: I know long-term smokers, and most of them have deep wrinkled faces, hoarse voices, and permanent coughs. I would like to be able to enjoy my latter years - without looking like i am about to die at any moment.

8. So my kids won't turn around one day and tell me i'm a hypocrite: I would like to win all my arguments with my soon to be teenage children. I am not going to catch my kid smoking [as i am sure that i will] and give them a way out of the time-honored punishment of smoking an entire pack in one sitting.

9. Because my wife doesn't think i can: I am going to attempt to strike a blow for all long-suffering husbands, and prove that women are not always right.

10. No reason: I don't need a reason to quit, because "i am a non-smoker", "i'm sorry i don't smoke". "No thank you - i don't smoke". "No, i have never smoked, you must be thinking of some-one else.", "Do you mind, your cigarette smoke is getting in my eyes." [sniff].

12 Cigarettes Left...

2006-06-16T12:58:00.000-07:00

I have twelve cigarettes left in my pocket, and it 3pm CST. This means that in all liklihood i will be smoking my last cigarette today.

Smoke History: I have been smoking since i was 11 years old. I remember that first foul-tasting cigarette that i shared with school friends. My best friend had stolen a pack of Rothman's from his father. From then on this was our preferred method of obtaining them - until we were old enough to pretend we were old enough to buy them. I smoked throughout High School, sneaking out at recess to smoke a cigarette, and then attepting to hide the smell with mints and deodorant. More recently i have settled into a smoking rhythmn of about 15 per day, but that largely depends on the day...

Quit History: I have tried to quit exactly twice in my lifetime. One when i was 14, and i had just gotten caught for the first time by my mother. I lasted four days. This does not seem like a proud achieved until you take into consideration my second attempt. I was 23 years old, and decide to commit to quitting using Nicorette Gum. I went to the pharmacists and paid a small fortune with every expectation of success. I walked into the street, and popped the gum in by mouth, As a chewed the ashy taste tugged at my taste buds, and i promptly spat it out [into a garbage can]. Fortunatley there was a tobacconist around the corner, so i was able to get rid of the lingering foul flavor by lighting up. The total time for my second quit attempt: 4 hours

Methodology: Since i have never really had any success at quitting in the past - i have no real past experience to help me choose the appropriate method. However, i have known many who have tried to quit. Those who use aids such as nicotine patches, hypnosis, or laser therapy always seem to find there way back to cigarettes once they realized they have been ripped off. Those who simple wake up one morning, and decide they would like to try being a non-smoker for a while seem to be the most successful. Therefore, i am on a countdown to that point where i wake up as a smoke-free individual.